Bittersweet
by Alona the Evil Authoress
Summary: The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.


BITTERSWEET  
  
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Beware the pointless shounen-ai fluff. Ruwalk/Lykouleon, no like, no read.  
  
This was inspired by volume number 8, a quote Bunnychan send me, and Roko, who badgered me all of fifth and sixth period to write it. For you, it's worth giving myself extra work.   
  
...  
  
Right. On to the story. Angst. Much angst.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Raseleane walked past the library's open door. I looked away, bile beginning to rise in my throat. I knew I shouldn't have begrudged the queen her luck, as it was not her fault, but I did. I was selfish and I knew it, but for once I wanted Lykouleon to myself, not sharing him in secret with someone he had been fated to wed.  
  
It was a long time ago, almost out of memory, that I had discovered what I felt for him. It was as I stood, quiet, wanting to convince him not to risk himself to save Raseleane, yet at the same time feeling it my duty not to. Instead, like a good friend should, I helped him in every way I could to get out of the castle to go save her, at the same time doing all I could to make sure he was as safe as possible. During the time he was gone, it was all I could do to keep a calm face and work on the documents in his absence.  
  
Not long after he returned, gloriously happy with his queen, my battered emotions refused to hold up, and I confessed everything I had been thinking during that time, even shedding a few tears.   
  
"I understand," he had said, reaching up a hand to stroke my cheek, "I understand."  
  
And for that one moment I understood, too, but the clarity was lost with Alfeegi's angry shouts, still scolding Lykouleon for going off on his own. But that was far too long ago, and all the secret smiles and adoring glances had been doing nothing to help my mental state. While I missed him always when he was gone, I missed him much worse sitting next to him, knowing I could not have him.   
  
"Ruwalk?"  
  
I glanced up in time to see Lykouleon walking into the library. He wore loose pants and a half open white shirt. Didn't he realize what he did to me like that? No, of course, not, he was too nice to keep doing it if he did realize.   
  
"Hi."  
  
"What's wrong? You look like you're about to cry."  
  
"Cry? Me? Of course not," I finished in a whisper, a single tear slipping slowly down my cheek.  
  
"Not crying, you say?" Lykouleon shot back, leaning over and flicking the tear away. I looked up at him, into his clear green eyes, and there was that look again, that look I treasured so much. It was a look that told me I was the only one who existed, the only one who mattered, the only one he loved. It was moments like this that I could believe what that look was telling, could forget how he had rushed off to save Raseleane, how he still catered to her every whim with a smile.   
  
Not for dozens of years had I cried, and both times in front of the only person filling my heart. Even though I knew I would only feel worse for it, I leaned over slightly, wrapping my arms around his slim waist and holding tightly. I felt arms encircle me, and delicate fingers smoothing my hair.   
  
I glanced up at Lykouleon, needing to get the words out once again. "Lykouleon… I… I…"  
  
He placed a finger to my lips, and shot me that beautiful smile, at once joyous and grave. "Sh," he whispered, "I know." For a second, he replaced the finger with his soft lips, and I melted inside. But it was only the slightest of kisses, over before my mind could fully acknowledge it. Lykouleon returned both arms around my waist, and pulled me closer to him. I leaned into his chest, and sighed in contentment. Even if these moments were rare, it was enough, I decided. It was enough to keep me going, to keep up my façade of happiness, to remain at almost all times so carefree. For this one moment, I would travel to the ends of the earth and back.  
  
"My lord?"  
  
We both looked up to spot a slightly blushing Alfeegi walking into the library. Apparently the door had not been closed.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm interrupting. Just, the queen's been looking for you, my lord."  
  
"I see," Lykouleon sighed, "Tell her I will be there in a minute."  
  
"Yes, sir," Alfeegi accepted, and slowly back out of the room, wiping a drop of sweat from his forehead.   
  
Lykouleon now turned back to me with that bittersweet smile again. "I'm sorry."  
  
And he walked away, leaving me alone again, with only the barest hint of his former presence next to me. I resolved not to cry. I was certain the he would not want me to.   
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Please review, flame if you must, I'll be lynched by my classmates and teachers this week anyway. ~_^ Remember: This is a one-shot. One-shot only. There will be no more. Sorry. 


End file.
